Waiting...

Lets just say that waiting is not one of my strengths.  Not even close.  It's pretty much one of the worst things in the world for me.  Obviously God knows it, and He's been trying to teach me to wait on His plan for a long time now. 

You see, I'm a planner.  I'm always thinking ahead.  And if things don't go according to my plan, I can get quite cranky.  A few examples of how I'm a planner: I go online and look at menus before we go out to eat so I can decide what I'm going to have.  I pick out my outfit the night before, every single night.  I have my lunch ready to go for work the night before, every single night.  I have a million lists about what needs to be done and when.  And when I asked Jimmy for more examples, his answer was that I'm always trying to plan every little thing!  And as far as having kids goes, I was going to have my first one at 26, the second 2-3 years later, have a boy and a girl, and be done by the time I was 30.  Oh, and I was going to have fall babies so that they would be older in their class at school.  And I really didn't want a summer baby because then you have to decide when to start them in school, which can be tricky.  Plus, if I had fall babies, I had all winter to lose the weight.  Yes, I know I might sound a little OCD; it's ok, I'm used to it.

I have learned through all of this that I can't plan everything in life, although it's a hard lesson for me to learn.  My prayer has been for a long time that I would be able to trust God with this, and whatever His plan is, that I would be able to handle it.  More specifically right now, my prayer is that I would get pregnant with this IVF cycle, but if I don't, that I will be able to cope with that outcome.  For me to be able to pray and be open to God's plan for me instead of only asking for what I want is a big step for me, and it's one of the many things I have learned through all of this. 

A song that one of my close friends introduced me to has really helped me the past couple of years.  It's called "While I'm Waiting by John Waller, and it was featured in the Fireproof movie:

For now, I'll just keep waiting and learning to trust God...