How?

How do I keep going?  How do I keep putting myself through the emotional and physical agony?  How do I hold onto hope?  I don't know.  I have a hard time answering those questions.  The only thing I can come up with is that to me there is no other option.  I want nothing more than to be a mom, so I'll do whatever it takes to get there, even if it means that our babies are created in a lab by biologists.  Even if I have to get shots every day, that cause bruises, pain, and the occasional nerve damage - thanks Jimmy :)  Even if I have to be inconvenienced by multiple doctor's appointments for bloodwork and sonograms.  Even if I have to be interrupted during skiing to go pick up meds in Dubuque, IA because there's a shortage in the country of a certain med and it had to be shipped to us at the last minute during our vacation.  Even if it means having surgery and having my emotions screwed with from all the meds.  I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  

I press on because I keep my eye on the end goal - the possibility of a child.  Yes, at times I feel like I can't take this anymore, but I have to keep pushing through it.  Luckily, I have the best support system in the world - Jimmy couldn't be more supportive - he's absolutely the best!  My mom has also been such a good support, as well as my close friends.  It has also helped to be able to talk to others who are going through this or have gone through it.  I feel reassured that the feelings I have are normal, and I'm not just some crazy person.  I just hope that all of this is soon a distant memory.  2 1/2 years is a long time to be on an emotional roller coaster.

Sorry for the kind of depressing post, but it's how I feel at times, and that's ok.  I know that it's normal to feel sad, frustrated, hopeless, etc.  I just hope that all of this is resolved sometime in the near future.